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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 25-03-2023, 12:19 AM
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Qwerty6969 Qwerty6969 is offline
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Talking Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

I think it's the general population in sg. People are not as warm as they used to be. They simply have no time to stop and care. I made it a point to say hi to bus drivers and they actually were so surprised and looked up at me.
  #17  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:42 AM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

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Originally Posted by Qwerty6969 View Post
I think it's the general population in sg. People are not as warm as they used to be. They simply have no time to stop and care. I made it a point to say hi to bus drivers and they actually were so surprised and looked up at me.
Agree with u on this, nowadays society are so glued with their phones that human interaction is slowly becoming more and more cold.....
  #18  
Old 25-03-2023, 08:15 AM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

  #19  
Old 25-03-2023, 10:36 AM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kujo86 View Post
I do not "miss" girlfriend, family etc when I am away for a long time. I even do not remember giving them phone calls etc. I miss my dog though.

I currently live my life alone, like who wants to be in my life, welcome. Who wants to leave, can go. Now single, I try to hook up and meet new people, via multiple dating apps, I match but i cant be bothered to text / reply. It's like, if u like me u will text me.

But I am not emo stay at home and sulk kind. I enjoy my life with my friends, working on trying to re-open my business after it closed due to covid.

Recently broke up with my ex-gf that I did everything for and even have plans for our life together, but when we broke up, I just wished her a good life and moved on. Went out with friends and worked on job etc. No tears no sadness.

I do have a couple of girls that keep texting me, but i not interested. I do not ghost but I just give cold replies.

Something wrong with me? Am I cold hearted? Or is it i endured too much and become numb and keep all inside without knowing?
I wish I can be like u. I gave my everything to a guy for years and I am left with nothing. I feel like a joke
  #20  
Old 25-03-2023, 01:06 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamshakspear View Post
Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

Main issue is John made his gf his everything subconsciously without realizing it. This event can happen to anyone when one is over-reliant on a significant someone for feelings, care or anything. John was suffering from depression at that time as he could not get out of a mental loop. Once anyone develops a mental loop, he has to remind himself that he can't do anything about it and look for alternatives or simply drop that matter instead.

To overcome this issue:
First - Reflect on what can be done next since event has already happened.
Second - Talk to the "right" person for alternatives or suggestions to overcome their inner thoughts. There will always be someone smarter than anyone. HAHAHA.
  #21  
Old 25-03-2023, 03:57 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sbwow View Post
I understand your post, so it is not wasted. HAHAHA.

The simpler explanation would be:
TS led the relationship to a broke up with his GF as he does not envision the life that he would be having once married together. In fact, he does not even like it that he has to do everything for his girlfriend and not having an enjoyable life. Put it simply, life sucks when his girlfriend is around.

TS does not even want to get another GF as he sees himself doing the same old shit similar to when his ex-gf was around and this is something that he does not like. It is very boring and uninteresting for him to keep repeating the same old shit to new matches on dating apps.

The main problem is he feels like he have done so much for his ex-girlfriend till he got so mentally tired and he doesn't want to initiate and form another new relationship having to repeat the same shits again. He want others to put in the effort instead.

HAHAHA.
this one i can understand. TS now mentality as he mention, you want to stay in my life stay, want to leave, leave. like now his efforts only for himself. not a totally bad thing but ya until he meet the girl willing to do all the effort maybe then he will change
  #22  
Old 25-03-2023, 03:58 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sensualkinks View Post
Maybe TS is a case of “Once bitten shy twice” haha

Many people have been bitten many many times over and over yet they still go for it again and again. Simple reason- afraid of being alone. They dislike being alone so much that they rather get bitten than to live life alone. They rather stay in a toxic relationship than to be alone. But there are some who truly like being alone. They can live alone, go to restaurants alone, watch movies alone, travel solo etc.

After my last relationship ended I began to do everything alone. Travel, dining etc. Just me and myself. After a while I enjoyed it so much that I start to feel a little detached from family and friends. I questioned myself why am I acting a little cold and distant to people to I know. Then I realised it’s because iam addicted to the peace and quiet only achievable when iam alone. I do meet up with frds once in a while but most of my leisure time iam alone. It’s quite exhilarating to know my happiness do not need to come from anyone nor depend on anyone.

Being alone is a power few people can handle. If TS enjoys being alone, congratulations.
Yes. if u can enjoy being alone. it means you not dependant on others. very powerful indeed. only set back is like u mention become distant.
  #23  
Old 25-03-2023, 03:59 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karaja View Post
Agree with u on this, nowadays society are so glued with their phones that human interaction is slowly becoming more and more cold.....
yup technology is killing meaningful relationships and bonding
  #24  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:05 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamshakspear View Post
Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

really grateful for the deep sharing. fortunately i was not suicidal. but i can relate to the situation of doing eveything for one person and that person leaves.
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  #25  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:08 PM
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kujo86 kujo86 is offline
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sbwow View Post
Main issue is John made his gf his everything subconsciously without realizing it. This event can happen to anyone when one is over-reliant on a significant someone for feelings, care or anything. John was suffering from depression at that time as he could not get out of a mental loop. Once anyone develops a mental loop, he has to remind himself that he can't do anything about it and look for alternatives or simply drop that matter instead.

To overcome this issue:
First - Reflect on what can be done next since event has already happened.
Second - Talk to the "right" person for alternatives or suggestions to overcome their inner thoughts. There will always be someone smarter than anyone. HAHAHA.
i did reflect these past couple of months. I am started to try to open up the idea of meeting someone new dating etc etc. maybe subconsciously i still have the wall i guess? past 2 weeks met 2 new girls at different occassions, got their contact, but not sure what to do next. still feel not so interested.

guess i need to move on to step 2 and need a wiser person to help me break down this wall ? haha
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  #26  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:10 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

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Originally Posted by kujo86 View Post
i did reflect these past couple of months. I am started to try to open up the idea of meeting someone new dating etc etc. maybe subconsciously i still have the wall i guess? past 2 weeks met 2 new girls at different occassions, got their contact, but not sure what to do next. still feel not so interested.

guess i need to move on to step 2 and need a wiser person to help me break down this wall ? haha
well at least u've taken the first step to try. as for getting advice, i doubt u need dating advice lol more on how to start getting interested in relationships.

maybe reflect deeper. is there something u are putting as a priority now that makes you do not want to focus on others ?
  #27  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:12 PM
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kujo86 kujo86 is offline
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

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Originally Posted by fishermanbuddy View Post
well at least u've taken the first step to try. as for getting advice, i doubt u need dating advice lol more on how to start getting interested in relationships.

maybe reflect deeper. is there something u are putting as a priority now that makes you do not want to focus on others ?
well after the break up, my focus is just on my work, friends and trying to get my business up and running.
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  #28  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:20 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

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Originally Posted by kujo86 View Post
well after the break up, my focus is just on my work, friends and trying to get my business up and running.
i may be wrong, i think your barrier now consist of 3 things.

1. fear - you feel you lack something that will keep the next girl loving you example money and she may leave you for another

2. business goal - your confidence now is dependant on your goal of your business so you want to accomplish this and then not worry about number 1.

3. tired of bullshit and drama which some bros mentioned. so you close of.

advice what to do... i not sure lol i dont know how to overcome 1 and 3.
  #29  
Old 25-03-2023, 04:46 PM
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xiaobudian8123 xiaobudian8123 is offline
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fishermanbuddy View Post
i may be wrong, i think your barrier now consist of 3 things.

1. fear - you feel you lack something that will keep the next girl loving you example money and she may leave you for another

2. business goal - your confidence now is dependant on your goal of your business so you want to accomplish this and then not worry about number 1.

3. tired of bullshit and drama which some bros mentioned. so you close of.

advice what to do... i not sure lol i dont know how to overcome 1 and 3.
i think step 1 and 3 he just need to get out of "comfort zone" go and try asking the girls out. bang wall rejection etc just try to break the wall first
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Old 25-03-2023, 05:54 PM
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Re: Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelm View Post
I wish I can be like u. I gave my everything to a guy for years and I am left with nothing. I feel like a joke
Sorry to hear that. If nothing else, take it as a lesson learnt that the only person you should give everything to yourself.

Call upon your close friends, or old friends to help you pick yourself up.
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